Saturday, June 6, 2009

Adventures in Engagement Ring Shopping

Consider the salesman. Mankind invented the salesman for two reasons. To pester you while you're "browsing" and to help you in that rarest of occasions that you actually need help in purchasing something. Can you imagine arriving to purchase something (anything... a car, a couch, a hallucinogenic) and being told by your salesman "oh I can't possibly help you."

I certainly didn't anticipate that one morning when I headed out to peruse engagement rings. Oh sure, I didn't know a lot about a lot (I thought that's what shopping was for) so I completely anticipated looking like a doofus. But men looking like doofuses was something I expected ring salesmen to be intimately familiar with. They would be, I thought, humble, helpful, guides leading me through the darkness of stone settings, diamond cuts, carat weights, colors, imperfections, white golds, gold golds, platinums and cubic zirconium. Not so much. Picture this conversation:

Well meaning blond haired, bearded doofus: "I'm looking for an engagement ring."
Evil sales person: "Ah, what kind of diamond setting does your girlfriend want?"
Well meaning blond haired, bearded doofus: "I'm not sure"
Evil sales person: "Well then what kind of cut does she want?"
Well meaning blond haired, bearded doofus: "I don't know"
Evil sales person: "You mean she hasn't told you everything she wants in a ring in great detail?"
Well meaning blond haired, bearded doofus: "No"
Evil sales person: "And you haven't asked?"
Well meaning blond haired, bearded doofus: "No"
Evil sales person:"Well then I can't help you. You should go back and ask her exactly what she wants."

Did you catch that? Every single place told me to plainly ask her exactly what she wanted down to every detail. Now I know that the ring shopping ritual takes many forms these days. Some girls tell their beaus what they want. Some couples shop together. But is it that rare for a brave man to venture out on his own in the hopes of an engagement surprise? Am I really that much of a dinosaur?

Anyway, the moral of the story is: Salesmen are horrible people, and when they say "can I help you?" they lie. They can't help you at all. They can just take your money while you stand there looking like a doofus. Instead shop on the Internet. It's salesperson free, and you can watch funny videos while you shop!

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