A Bridal Show Quiz

You may never have been to a bustling bridal show, but that doesn't mean you're not an expert. Take this quiz and find out. Just read through and when prompted, select the phrase that best completes each sentence. And remember, if you haven't been to a bridal show, you're already a winner:

1.
"Hi, and welcome to the (bridal show/ worst of humanity expo). Here you'll find a wide variety of (helpful / pushy) vendors. Feel free to look around and talk to everyone. And remember, all of our participants are just dying to get (your business / your information for their mailing list). Before you get started let me give you this (tote bag / phony smile)."

2.
"Hello there. This is the booth for Professional DJ's. First things, first.... we're having a giveaway contest! It's the perfect opportunity for us to (give you free stuff / get your information for our mailing list). Please fill this out. Now a little bit about us: Professional DJ's has been employing (great DJ's / failed actors) for the past twenty years. We know that your wedding is (your special day / our chance to find a talent scout in the crowd) and we look forward to (working with you / mispronouncing the names of everyone in your party). We'd love to (hear / ignore) any thoughts our desires you have relating to your ceremony. We can't wait to work with you and (create a beautiful day / play Personal Jesus for the ten millionth time)."

3.
"Howdy. I'm here representing Videographers R'Us. I'm (curious / obligated to ask), have you chosen a videographer yet? You haven't? Well that's fantastic. Hey before we go any further I should tell you that we're having a great sweepstakes. Just fill this out so we can (enter you in the contest / get your information for our mailing list). Fantastic! Did you know that all of our employees at Videographers R'Us have (extensive videography knowledge / the ability to point a camera and push a button)? If you'll just draw your attention to that monitor behind me, you'll see some of our work. You can tell that the gentleman who filmed this has (stylish sensibilities / one leg longer than the other). I'll bet you've always wanted a wedding video that had (great production values / an excessive amount of fades). Well we here at Videographers R'Us can provide that. That's why it's so important to us that you (book early / don't know anything about videography) so we can (best help you / hide our incompetence). Hey great chatting with you, and have a nice day."

4.
"Pardon me, I'm from The Tuxedo Shop. I couldn't help but notice you're here by yourself. I'll bet your bride is off (watching the fashion show / fantasizing about killing everyone here). Well this is a great chance for me to tell you about our tuxedos. But first you should know that we're having a sweepstakes contest. Just fill out this form so we can (give you free services / pester the shit out of you). Awesome! Now, as for us, we have all sorts of tuxes. We've got black tuxes if you're a traditionalist or white tuxes if you're (non-traditionalist / mentally deranged). Not to mention a special sale that we're running (this weekend only / anytime we're desperate for business) that includes a free tux for you when all the rest of your groomsmen purchase with us. We know that you like (saving money / passing the cost of things on to your friends). Worried about finding the right color vests? Not a problem. As you can see by our (samples behind me / twelve sales people) we pride ourselves in providing (a wide variety / overkill). I hope you'll consider us. Just remember, the most important thing to us is (your business / buying more hair gel)."

Well, how'd you do? Think you passed? If you didn't, you've probably never been to a bridal show before.... to bad. But don't worry, you can always take the quiz over after actually going to a bridal show. And who knows, you might even get entered to win a fabulous prize!

The Top 5 Wedding Photography Blunders

Looking over photographer's websites to screen possibilities was an amusing project. Some pictures made me laugh out loud, some made me gasp in horror, still others left me totally speechless. It took quite a bit of hemming and, indeed, hawing to make a choice... but the winner was a company called Z-media. Particularly because of the photographer's easy-going attitude, the fact that we get a CD with the rights to the pictures, and the fact that they seemed to understand what it was we wanted. Or, more accurately, what it was we didn't want. That brings me to the aforementioned amusement. In that spirit, I give you...

The Top 5 Wedding Photography Blunders

5) Ridiculously posed still-lifes
I understand arranging detail shots to have a nicely composed still life. However, my suspension of disbelief only goes so far. I have seen shoes hanging from a chandelier, boutonnieres balanced precariously on the rims of champagne glasses, and (as you can see here) a crab ring bearer. If you have to harass wildlife, leave it out of my wedding, please.



4) Aggressively tiled angles
Look out! It's a "Titanic" wedding! If your photo is not interesting enough when viewed at a normal angle, perhaps you should re-frame it, as opposed to tilting your camera 45 degrees. Alfred HItchcock used this gimmick fewer times in the film Vertigo.





3) Weird picture superimposition
Um, did the bride and groom die at the end of the ceremony and are now perpetually forced to hover over their wedding as ghosts? Did they eat themselves? Get tiny wedding action figurines (collect the whole set!) in their likeness? What is the point of this?









2) Poorly composed shots (with BONUS! Bad Vignette fade!)
Good photographs are not just a snapshot of events, but they should also follow the same rules as all forms of art. That is: balance and composition. A good idea (say, the feet of a child dancing on those of an adult) needs good composition (say, being able to see both legs of said child).




1) Extreme color retouching
I'm just going to let this picture of a bride and groom on the onset of armageddon speak for itself.